machete squad hq

I took a good long ride out to L.I. with my buddy yesterday and we had one of those long discussions that slowly starts to seep into every corner of culture.  What we really started getting deep into discussion about advertising culture and the public’s reception of it.  From there my mind started sifting through recent advertising and a real gem came to mind.  A piece of advertising media so…. powerful – if that’s the right word – that it inspires hope and passion in the minds of children.  I am of course talking about the puzzling and wonderfully inane Jim Breuer and Pizza Hut collaboration we had the privilege of having shoved down our throats during every piece of content, regional or national, earlier this fall.

Haven’t seen them?  Well, I’d count you among the lucky.  Sort of like the few survivors below the surface in 12 Monkeys except in 12 Monkeys they got to kick it with John McClane and wear awesome gothic inspired post-apocalyptic costumes.  They also didn’t have to watch a drug addled comedian whore himself for a paycheck within a commercial lacking any sort of humorous, coherent or relevant concept or execution.  They are apparently selling a new kind of pizza that, get this, has an extra inch of rubbery cheese surrounding the inside curve of the crust!  Extra cheese!?  On PIZZA?!  These fucking guys, where do they get this shit?  They’ve got the public wrapped around their finger on this one.  Only problem of course is that they shoved that finger up their collective ass once they realized how woefully retarded their angle was.

Dear Public, go fuck yourselves. - Pizza Hut

I have always liked Jim Breuer, especially his special Jim Breuer Hardcore, which you can stream for free on IMDB in the previous link.  His style can be pretty polarizing but he’s honest and he’s self-deprecating in a way that feels more honest than someone like Jim Gaffigan (who I maintain IS a decent comic) or Dane Cook (who I, among many, maintain is not).  FUCK, if only it had been Dane Cook instead of Breuer in the ad!  The backlash would be something even Cook’s shameless ass would have problems rationalizing.

A prayer via photoshop

I certainly have entertained the idea that Pizza Hut knew exactly how shitty these commercials were.  Hell, they may have even been banking on it to get people to eat their shitty pizza again but I’m gonna venture a guess and assume that they have zero self awareness and instead are just basking in the same kind of misdirected promotion that Six Flags decided to bask in.  See, The Six Flags Mascot: Like Getting Kicked in the Eyes by AIDS for more on this continuing controversy.

The very fact that I’m talking about these asshats just gives credence to the popular cliche’ of any publicity as good publicity, unless your Silvio Berlusconi of course, but if you don’t call a douche a douche, sometimes it can start to think it’s a real boy.  A douche can have money, market share and corporate sponsorship deals but they still have to go go home and fall asleep the same clueless douche.

I didn’t want to do this but if you haven’t seen it, just watch it and appreciate how fucking absurd it is that a major corporation sunk significant amounts of money purchasing advertisement time so that we could have the privilege of watching women act uncomfortable around a misty eyed and middle-aged comic.  Hey, I hear Andrew Dice Clay needs a job so here’s my advertising pitch in three basic elements.

The Dice Man:

Dairy Queen:

and we haven’t heard “wassssupppppp!!!!” in awhile, so lets toss that in.

If you can smell the creative executive corner office, you’re not alone.